PTI - May 11

Pardon the interruption, but I'm Mike Wilbon, and I haven't been myself for the past few days. I want to vent about it, but I've got to be as inconspicuous as possible when broaching the subject. You know what I'm on about -- I'm embarassed about what happened to my, uh, baby bulls and I'm not up to facing the ridicule from my colleagues. So I'm trying to keep a low profile by staying in Miami and covering the NBA playoffs because there's no better way to avoid those baby bulls jokes than by covering a series that nobody cares about. Talk about a foregone conclusion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the baby bulls were up 2-0 in their series too but this time it's different. Why? Because everybody loves Shaq, that's why. And make no mistake about it, when Miami avenges the baby bulls by annihilating Washington, I'll be the first one on the court to thumb my nose at the Wizards as they sulk back to the locker room.

I can't even be happy about -- my boy!! -- Ozzie Guillen and the White Sox because nobody in Chicago cares about the White Sox. It's a Cubs town, period. Their fifth starter, Jon Garland, is 6-0 but all anybody talks about in Chicago is Kerry Wood and Mark Prior, who are always injured and have a measly four wins between them. They want to talk about Derrek Lee and his nine home runs but there's not one drop of love for my boy Paul Konerko and his nine home runs.

Anyhow, I'm trying to think happy thoughts, so here is some baseball news that makes me smile:
  • George Steinbrenner's horse -- his horse!!! -- losing worse that his baseball team. At least the Yankees are in fourth -- the horse finished seventh.
  • Manny Ramirez getting beaned on a daily basis. Once is a fluke, twice is a trend, and the trend is funny.
  • The possibility that Jason Giambi might take a trip down to the minors. Pushed out of New York by his own ineptitude and by my boy Tino. During the preseason, people were talking about all the "pressure" on Giambi -- whatever happened to all that? Whatever happened to people saying that Giambi would be playing under more scrutiny than anyone since Jackie Robinson? I'll tell you what happened -- the Yankees are so bad overall that everyone has forgotten about Giambi and his steroids and the fact that they owe this guy 80 million. Nobody even cares about Giambi anymore.
  • People in Boston are sweating with Wells and Schilling on the DL and nobody knows exactly when they'll be back, or if they'll even be effective when they are back. We heard so much offseason talk about Big Unit and Schilling and how great these pitching staffs were. And now, the season is going to come down to the Yanks and Sawks begging ... grovelling for the services of Roger Clemens and his dumb-looking frosted highlights.

Yeah, the woes of the Yanks and Sawks are putting big stupid grins on my face each and every day. And why not? I'm tired of hearing about the Yanks and Sawks. Somebody talk about the White Sox. The first place White Sox with the best record in baseball. Talk about the Braves finding a way to win again after everyone wrote them off again. Talk about the D-Backs, in contention in the NL West despite losing 111 games in 2004. I don't want to hear another word about the YANKS and SAWKS.

All right, I'm gonna head out so I can show off my tan to the beautiful ladies of South Beach. I'll be lying on the sand, daydreaming about what the Heat are going to do to the Wizards. See you knuckleheads later!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't get confused for a beached manatee in South Beach. The Sox are just a trainwreck waiting to happen, which might have just started with the first two lost in Tampa Bay. You are their typical bandwagon fan. Your boys??? Please.

1:41 PM

Blogger Mithridates said...

Yeah, the woes of the Sox are severe, to be sure. 21-13 is just plain out terrible.

8:45 PM


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