5.04.2005

Mike Piazza's Political Soapbox



Hey, I'm Mike Piazza, All-Star catcher for the New York Mets. And I'd like to talk to you about the filibuster.

Before I met my old lady, I was out hunting for poontang with Ted Nugent, and the Nuge turned around and asked me, "P, why do gun-grabbing nutjob liberals find it necessary to prevent the invocation of cloture when their colleagues filibuster to forestall the approval of Republican-nominated judicial appointees?"

I didn't know what to say. It seems that even though prominent Democrats like Zell Miller think the filibuster is a bad idea, their party leadership is so out of touch with mainstream America that they won't get rid of it. But what was I supposed to tell the Motor City Madman? He looked pissed, and rightly so. "Hit one for the Nuge," he said, and we didn't talk about the filibuster again.

The next day, I hit two huge bombs, and I went out and had a righteous bro-down with Kerry King and Tom Araya from Slayer. We were sitting in my studio shotgunning brews and jamming to "South of Heaven," and when the killer track "Silent Scream" came on, Kerry got quiet. "P," he said, "shouldn't the abortion debate be settled by active bipartisan dialogue, not four-day speeches by angry elitist Democrats any time there's a judge who remotely disagrees with them?"

Look, I didn't get to be a career .315 hitter and set the all-time home run record for catchers by arguing balls and strikes or playing defense. And we didn't get to be the greatest nation on earth by using the filibuster. The Mets trust me to go out every day, look good for the ladies, and hit huge bombs. That's what I'm good at. That's what I do. Let's trust Congress to do their job too.

I'm Mike Piazza, and I approve this message.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Ben Dover said...

Hey Mike, tell us how you feel about gay marriage

5:26 PM

 
Anonymous Mookie Kranepool said...

But Mike don't you think we need to preserve an independant judiciary. We have to keep church and state separate - do you really want some preacher looking into your personal life? I think not!

And another thing - Ramon Castro will have your job by the end of the season.

5:40 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice Mr. Show reference in the opening...ZING!

12:31 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your political naivete is astounding! Go out and rent "Mr Smith goes to Washington" starring Jimmy Stewart,so that you can understand in simple terms the purpose of a filibuster.

9:27 AM

 
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2:57 PM

 

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