Kruk the Police
My big story of Thursday in the Bigs? Greg Zaun, maybe the best catcher in baseball right now other than team leaders like Mike Piazza and Mike Matheny. Oh, and Ausmus. Can't forget Aussie. But Greg Zaun — and I'm not one to talk, but he's getting up there! — hit his third home run of the year tonight against the Devil Rays, giving the surging Blue Jays a W and another big bat to add to that potent lineup led by guys who know how to play the game the right way, like Hillenbrand, Hinky, Catalanottotolanoto and Koskie.
The Jays are a young team, but they've got some veteran leadership in a guy like Z. He's like a general out there, or Tom Bergeron, the catcher in my favorite movie Major League. (AND he hosts my favorite TV show America's Funniest Home Videos!! Hey Harold – NUTS!!! HAHA) But, and not to be redundant or nothing, the guys who coach and manage that team should be shot. Or at least taken back behind the barn and wrestled with a little bit, because here we are like a seventh into the season and Zaunny's only got 60 ABs so far. He's hitting a homer like every five ABs or something. And Jayson Stark says that NO 34-year-old Canadian catcher has done that before, so while all of you talk about steroids and stuff, I'll just be laying here eating Gammo's tuna fish and watching Greg Zaun rake like the Lawnmower Man.
Private PS to Bobby Valentine (IF YOUR NOT BOBBY VALENTINE DO NOT READ): You're darned right I'm keeping things handsom! Watch it with the yellow fever!! Save me some!!! Don't forget to eat, and remember TOLEDO!!!!!!!