The Art of the Ejection

Yeah that's right, you goddamn bastards: Sweet Lou here to talk about the art of the ejection. I was approached by the fellas over at Baseball Tonight to touch on one of my favorite subjects and you bet your goddamn ass I jumped on it.

Some interesting facts for you sons of a bitches:

I have been ejected 57 times as a manager, 71 times overall and 7 as a Devil Ray. Among active managers, only Atlanta's Bobby Cox has more (112). I was ejected three times last season. Hall of Famer John McGraw was ejected 131 times, believed to be the all-time leader. The Earl of Baltimore, Earl Weaver, another Hall of Famer, was ejected 98 times. Why the hell do you think I'm still sweating my goddamn ass off down here in Tampa? It's not for the talent, that's for sure — it's so I can break the goddamn ejection record. Earl Weaver... that asshole has nothing on me.

Basically you got three moves to get yourself ejected. I'll break them down:

1. Easiest trick in the book — argue balls and strikes. You're sure to get a reaction out of an ump. Usually I'll start off with something like, "Hey Ump, why don't you bend over and call the game with your good eye!"

2. If that doesn't work, you might try having a player take off someone's head with a a fastball. Usually works, and usually starts a little brouhaha to go along with it. But be careful if you have to come out of the dugout, just ask Zim. He got tossed by that no good "Soul Glo" son-of-a-bitch.

3. If all else fails, argue any call. Then come storming out like you got flames shootin out your asshole and go ballistic. Rip bases out, kick dirt, tell an ump you had sex with his wife. Whatever works.

And that's how Lou does it. If you don't like it, you can kiss my ass.