5.07.2005

Pay Rickey



Who would you rather have in left field - some chump with furry eyebrows like Tony Womack, or the greatest left fielder of all time?

Rickey Henderson is asking that question rhetorically, because you know the answer. Tony Womack is a punk. Tony Womack can't even play second base! Mel Hall is a better left fielder than Tony Womack. Rickey Henderson is a Hall of Famer. Tony Womack can't even make the Wall of Fame at that restaurant with the big hamburgers.

Rickey reads the papers. Rickey ain't blind. Rickey rides the PATH train every night and listens to guys talk about the Yankees. Rickey knows what's going on, and what's going on is that the Yankees are a bunch of losers. Rickey only knows about winning, though. Ask the 1990 Yankees about winning!

Rickey doesn't have anything against the Yankees. They traded him to Oakland back in the day, Rickey got his ring, Rickey got his money, Rickey got his Hammer pants with the little Oakland A's logo on them, and that's cool. Rickey can't think of a better place to display his magical talents than Yankee Stadium. People say Rickey this and Rickey that, and Rickey's old and Rickey has an attitude problem, but as long as Billy Martin's dead and Bobby Valentine's getting his teeth whitened in Tokyo, there ain't no problem.

Here are some more Yankee players that Rickey Henderson is better than:

Alex Rodriguez: A-Rod talks about getting up in the morning and running the stairs and not taking his kids to school. What do you think Rickey's doing? Man, f-ck taking a kid to school!

Bernie Williams: Bernie Williams is disgraceful. Rickey Henderson's hands are God-given instruments of precision, and Bernie Williams should be ashamed of himself for playing that classical guitar and messing up his arms. "Tendinitis in his elbows." Yeah, right. Rickey knows what's up. Rickey watched the Esteban special on QVC. That's corny! It ain't worth sacrificing the prime years of a baseball career to go play "Classical Gas" at some nursing home.

Jorge Posada: Jorge Posada tried to steal third base tonight and I damn near busted out. Jorge Posada runs like a little girl. Rickey Henderson is a poet on the basepaths. Rickey could have gotten to third base running backwards faster than that peanut-head.

Look, Rickey knows that George Steinbrenner has a big weekend, so he's just going to chill, play some "RBI Baseball 2," and maybe run on the Power Pad. Steinbrenner understands the value and importance of veteran leadership, and he knows he has to make the call. If Rickey ain't in your Rolodex under Henderson, man, look under L - Left Fielder of All Time, comma, Greatest.

Rickey Henderson appreciates the love. Pay Rickey!

1 Comments:

Anonymous dan + dave said...

POWER PAD!!!!

12:32 PM

 

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